What It's Like

  There is a nightmare which no one speaks of. Not because it does not warrant attention, but because it is a social taboo. Because those in a position to experience the horrors of it, those who are forced into making the best of the worst. Well, we're already beaten down, villainised by society for doing what must be done. Villainised by society for doing the absolute best; the only; the selfless; the self-destroying; the thing which can only be done when guided by unconditional love.

  The thing I am referring to is adoption.
  No, I am not referring to the adoption of some mewling infant by an "inept, teenage mother".
  No, I am not referring to the adoption of some infant, confiscated by DCFS because its mother is a drug addict, or abusive, or neglectful.
  No, I am not referring to the holy act of adoption "the loving option"- ALSO, FUCK YOU. There is nothing humane or loving about being forced into carrying a pregnancy to term, just to punish a woman for having sex- or being raped. You're sick fucks. Truly.
  No, I am not referring to children plucked from abusive homes. Filthy, under fed, abused. No. Just no.

 There are those of us who were forced to become mothers, who dedicated our lives to protecting our carbon copies. The children we never planned on having, were stripped of the basic human right of preventing from ever entering the equation, and were forced to do the best things we could to protect them.
 There are those of us who would die before allowing harm to come to our little ones, even though they were not planned. Hell, they were unwanted.
  Here's the point at which I rail on every asshole who has ever equated an unwanted child to being unloved, uncared for, neglected, abused, or otherwise mistreated. FUCK YOU. Just, fuck you. Fuck your fucking life. I hope you never have to experience the sort of loss we live, whilst being punished by society for doing what is right. I hope you don't ever have to have your soul shredded, shat upon, lit on fire and launched into the stratosphere... just to wait for it to be pulled back down, and kicked around by you shitty fucking heartless humans all over.
  Fuck you. We're not like you.

  If you can state, flatly, that there is NO reason for which you can envisage placing your children in the care of someone who will show the same love, tenderness, compassion, empathy, and care for their well-being.
  If you can state that there is NEVER a reason for a parent to deliberately seek safe accommodation for their children, which does not include them, the genetic contributor.
   If you are able to state that you would never "abandon" your children, for any reason, at all, ever, full stop. That there is no circumstance in which your carbon copies would be best off NOT in your care, well, you have already failed them miserably. You selfish fuck.

  Women opt to gestate and raise children they do not want, for many, many, many, many reasons... but right now I'm going to focus on your fucking incredibly fucked misconception that not wanting a child means that they're unloved, uncared for, abused, or neglected.
  First of all. F.U.C.K. Y.O.U.
  Secondly, not having a desire to become a mother does in no fucking way equate to hating the carbon copies you produce. They are your very soul. They are the reason you get up every day. They are the reason you breathe, they are the laughter you have lost, the joy you have been stripped of, the life that you once were- they are your everything, even if you never wanted them.
  SHOCKER: not every woman wants to be a mother.
  DOUBLE SHOCKER: most of us who do not want to be, and wind up in a position where we may be, are forced into motherhood.
  We aren't given a choice. No matter how careful we are, accidents happen... and then we're left with little time, no money, no options, and the eventuality of motherhood.
  What's worse, is when we're in a position with an abuser, or worse, our rapist- even more fun when you're married to him... more on that, later- where we're cut off from society, and there's no help. None. Even if we wanted to terminate, he'd kill us for it. He's proven what he's capable of, what he WILL do. Is not becoming a mother, worth losing your life?

  Here you are, years later, raising children who are the very essence of your being. You look at them and you see the very best in their father to have ever existed. You see hope, and you see brilliance... You do not see the violence, you do not see the thousands of rapes, you do not see the blood, the broken bones, the burns, the times you came to with him pounding on your chest because he choked you out and realised that you had stopped breathing and became frightened. You don't see the scars. No. You see the innocent child who you must protect and prevent from becoming their father.
  Here you are, faced with allowing them to complete the cycle, or you make the hardest decision ever- you place them in the safety of someone who has always wanted children. Someone who sees the amazing talents, beauty, intellect, and potential which you do. You. Their mother.
  You decide that they deserve what you can not offer them, and no matter how much it hurts, you fucking give it to them. You fucking give them the life that they deserve because they're you're fucking heart. They. Are. Your. Fucking. Heart.
  You decide that they deserve to be free from the violence, from the heartache of growing up knowing that their father is a rapist with a truly sadistic bent. From knowing that he's the man who threw their mother down flights (multiple instances) of stairs while she was heavily pregnant, a man who poisoned their mother while she was nursing because he accused her of cheating and wanted to kill you both. A man who threw your mother from a moving car when she was 3 weeks from her due date, because she asked to make a phone call to a family member and he accused her of trying to run away. A man who has mutilated, burned, starved, beaten, imprisoned for months on end (when the police show up for a well check but they can do nothing because you're not visible from the windows, and they don't have probable cause to break in... but you're there. No phone. No neighnours. No power unless he's home and needs you to cook. No water unless he says... if you make a sound, he'll punish you), strangled, poisoned, concussed, joints and back injured by throwing you into- Oh, wait, no. His words are "swiftly relocate" into a stationary object... yep- walls, fish tanks, banisters, stoves,  fireplaces, trees, brick walls, bed frames, cabinetry, fridges (by the way, being locked in one until you lose consciousness. Yeah, that'll give you some PmotherufkicingTSD), I could go on for a while, but I'd need a fucking xanax. Which I don't have.

  It's likely that confronted with this in reality, in meatspace, you'd do what you're doing right now, blaming me for what happened. No, I get it. You have no fucking clue, and I hope it stays that way- that's why you're able to question how I could "let" such things happen. Because, you know, it's easier to blame the people to whom the horrible things have been done, than it is to take on a society which enables, encourages, and rewards abusers.
  Really, I do totally get it. I mean, you're entirely fucked in the head for even thinking those thoughts (and for getting pissed off when you're called on it), but I get it.

  The love a mother has for her children doesn't fucking change, even if they are unwanted.
  Call it fucked up all you want. Make yourself a superior creature. Doooo eeeettttt. It makes you feel good about yourself, and your utter failure as a human being.
  Wanting a child does not make you love the little shit any more than you otherwise would have. Loving a child is not special, or unique. It is how we have not only fucking survived, but fucking become the god damned source of the next mass extinction.
(If you are offended by the term 'little shit', you've also demonstrated an utter absence of teh humours. Please, do not pass this genetic deformity on to your ever so wanted, but no more loved than the rest of them, special snowflakes. Seriously. Grow a pair. Of fucking ovaries.)

If it makes you feel superior to down women who regret having the children they had always desired not to have, go for it. It demonstrates how fucking broken you are.
  That you feel the need to wrap yourself up in tearing other people, people who love beyond that which you are even capable, apart. Well, that pretty much speaks for itself.